Wishing all the best of the holiday season to you and yours!
Remember to take the holidays one day at a time. Enjoy each moment as it happens, and be fully present for the joy this world has to offer.
Or Not!
A friend of mine who is in recovery told me how he hadn’t hung a wreath on his door, like his neighbour. When his niece came to visit she asked him if he “hated Christmas”.
“I don’t hate Christmas,” he told me, “but I don’t love it.”
This might not have been a problem, unless his niece, or he himself, expects him to be joyful because it is Christmas.
Black And White Thinking
The message we may receive from “everyone else” is that we are expected to be happy, joyous, and free during the holidays. And when this is true for you, I hope you are able to appreciate it and be fully present for it. But we may not always feel great during the holidays. Whether it is because of the holidays or just during the holidays, sometimes the “right” feelings don’t come.
The reality is, many of us will experience a complicated mix of emotions this season. An unruly mix of chaos and calm, fear and hope, sorrow and joy. That’s OK. It’s OK to feel scared and afraid, so long as it doesn’t overwhelm you. For many of us living in recovery from substance use and addictions, the fear of feelings was a significant reason for starting or continuing our alcohol or other drug use. Many of us, whether we realized it or not, used in order to not feel the pain or discomfort we were experiencing–physical, mental or emotional. Drinking or other drugs was our defense system, and now that we have removed that system, we should know we may feel more vulnerable until we learn a new one.
So, I encouraged my friend not to feel down about feeling down. Be realistic about his expectations for the season, and let go of the belief that happy is the “right” way to feel.
And, you never know. Letting go of expectations may allow you to actually enjoy the season more.
